Thursday, November 25, 2010

Who is to blame?

As humans we have this little problem.  It’s called blame. We blame things on each other. We blame things that go wrong in our world on angry Gods. We blame small things on outside factors normally to find a way of exonerating ourselves from the problems that we cause for ourselves. But also sometimes, like with blaming Gods for floods because they are angry, because we just feel the need to reason that someone is responsible.

As Christo the practicing alcoholic, I blamed other people and outside influences in my life for every imaginable small and big screw up. It seemed to be an obsession to find the cause of my misfortune in other people’s actions, ranging from accusations of being victimized to a perception that I was the turd in the centre of my own crap universe.

I have to be clear here that I thought back then that I was a very nice guy. I was convinced that I was the epitome of a dedicated husband, father and businessman, I was so sure that I was a very moral being, that the underlying faith that I had would ensure my safe passage somewhere later on in life to a better place where I would not be such a poor befuddled being anymore.

I was under a very clear impression about myself. A vision of how I was seen by others as the guy with the great sense of humor, and a charm so irresistible that nobody could resist me either mentally or bodily. The reality of a fat overweight slob acting like someone half his age (not sure I have made progress in the last remark) drinking far too much and actually to the point of active suicide, by way of utter drunkenness was my own private reality. The fact that there was others to blame on screw ups just another reason to drink, to forget and pretend to be happy and content. I was none of the above. And to the contrary I was in a deep dark pit and I knew for a fact that I was alone in there.

When circumstances become so hopeless for us that we can not see any way forward to the next day, when we feel so alone that it seems that we have been swallowed up by a society which has forgotten us. When we live with people who gets nauseous from looking at us. When we become something to others that has to be tolerated. We still feel that the world and other people are to blame. The fact is that at that point we do not feel that we are doing anything wrong. We want to drink we want to live this life we are stuck in and we do not see that the source of all this is what is changing our personalities and our core being.

We blame everything around us, and emotionally so. I was like that. It is also a hard habit to et rid of, however once you are sober and aware of this flaw in your character you tend to also become more aware of it in others. I am sure that I am still guilty of this, although far less than I used to be. As I have said before. I am far from being perfect and can never claim to be. But what is in my power is to look at myself critically at all times.

Then moving on and seeing how other people blames things around them also becomes a natural side effect. This seems to be especially true in society where we see it in the news, we see it in crime stats, and we see it everyday. People try to blame shift. I have wondered recently how difficult it can be to try and consciously abstain from blame shifting, and rather try to adopt an attitude which compels us to look past the absurdity of blaming someone or something. And rather find solutions, workable solutions.

Because lets face it, with certain things on this little insignificant planet of ours, all people are to blame. Human beings are to blame. Atheist, theist, and whatever lies in between. We as human beings whom rule and are ultimately responsible for this planet, our environment and ultimately each other are to blame.

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